Comments on: How to talk to strangers http://www.thegoodcity.com/2008/03/how-to-talk-to-strangers/ city, culture and church ยท Fort Wayne, Indiana Sun, 24 Jul 2011 15:50:38 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Sonny http://www.thegoodcity.com/2008/03/how-to-talk-to-strangers/comment-page-1/#comment-222 Sonny Sun, 30 Mar 2008 17:21:10 +0000 http://thegoodcity.wordpress.com/?p=154#comment-222 Good point, and well written. You have a new fan! This reminds me of the monologue of a British man to his friend I overheard while sitting in a pub in London, which I took the liberty of writing down: "It is not just that you have the technology, it's what you do with it. You obviously do not realize the full implications of a simple telephone call on your mobile. I am not speaking of the environmental, economic, or even social consequences of such an act... but of the ethical, filial (and in that sense somewhat social), and -I dare say- spiritual consequences. How often is it that you reject the company of your best friend, brother, or mother merely to answer "this damned thing" attached to your belt? Maybe you do grumble about it -quietly, to yourself- or perhaps you apologize swiftly before taking the call. This snubbery of those that you ought to love the most does not go unnoticed, by them or anyone else. Not only does this wound you relationships with those people, but it strikes a blow at the very essence of humanity. Never before has there been so much attention given to those far away, when the ones who love you the most are standing right in front of us, trying to look us in the eye." -Anonymous British man I'm not sure I agree with everything he said, but he definitely has a point. Of course he is talking about rejecting the company of the people who "love you the most", rather than mere strangers. This happens less often, but is more tragic. But the "not talking to strangers" thing is the real epidemic. I think it's true what the band Barenaked Ladies said in one of their songs: "If I hide myself wherever I go, am I ever really there?" Wherever you are, be all there! Good point, and well written. You have a new fan! This reminds me of the monologue of a British man to his friend I overheard while sitting in a pub in London, which I took the liberty of writing down:

“It is not just that you have the technology, it’s what you do with it. You obviously do not realize the full implications of a simple telephone call on your mobile. I am not speaking of the environmental, economic, or even social consequences of such an act… but of the ethical, filial (and in that sense somewhat social), and -I dare say- spiritual consequences. How often is it that you reject the company of your best friend, brother, or mother merely to answer “this damned thing” attached to your belt? Maybe you do grumble about it -quietly, to yourself- or perhaps you apologize swiftly before taking the call. This snubbery of those that you ought to love the most does not go unnoticed, by them or anyone else. Not only does this wound you relationships with those people, but it strikes a blow at the very essence of humanity. Never before has there been so much attention given to those far away, when the ones who love you the most are standing right in front of us, trying to look us in the eye.”
-Anonymous British man

I’m not sure I agree with everything he said, but he definitely has a point. Of course he is talking about rejecting the company of the people who “love you the most”, rather than mere strangers. This happens less often, but is more tragic. But the “not talking to strangers” thing is the real epidemic.

I think it’s true what the band Barenaked Ladies said in one of their songs:

“If I hide myself wherever I go, am I ever really there?”

Wherever you are, be all there!

]]> By: Anthony Juliano http://www.thegoodcity.com/2008/03/how-to-talk-to-strangers/comment-page-1/#comment-221 Anthony Juliano Sun, 30 Mar 2008 13:11:07 +0000 http://thegoodcity.wordpress.com/?p=154#comment-221 Great post, Jon. One thing I'd add, especially for those who have e-mail, text, or web access on their phones. If you sincerely want to interact with other people, there are times--and not just in meetings or when you're already in a conversation--when you need to leave the phone behind. Don't even have it on you. It's too addicting, and too much of an escape. We all have good intentions, but the allure of the phone is just too strong to resist. Why is that? Well, conversation isn't always easy, and the fastest way to opt out is to stare into your phone, appearing to be engrossed in the latest news from the world (which usually involves highbrow stories about Paris Hilton or the quickest way to rock hard abs). Since we're always waiting for the NEXT thing, the BETTER thing, the NEW thing, it's hard to resist the urge to check your messages over and over again. This also leads to others NOT talking to us because they think we're busy, even if all we're doing is mindlessly skimming the latest headlines. The only way to avoid this trap is to put the phone away--out of sight, out of mind. Sure, it's hard to change habits, and yes, it's possible that you might miss something--maybe even something urgent. But honestly, how often to you receive a message that absolutely can't wait? And you don't have to do this all the time--pick the days and times when it's least likely that you'll be needed. Unless you're in a life-and-death business, you can probably take an hour here and there and disconnect. When you have no phone to shield you from the outside world, only then you can open yourself to the possibility of a conversation. Great post, Jon. One thing I’d add, especially for those who have e-mail, text, or web access on their phones. If you sincerely want to interact with other people, there are times–and not just in meetings or when you’re already in a conversation–when you need to leave the phone behind. Don’t even have it on you. It’s too addicting, and too much of an escape. We all have good intentions, but the allure of the phone is just too strong to resist.

Why is that? Well, conversation isn’t always easy, and the fastest way to opt out is to stare into your phone, appearing to be engrossed in the latest news from the world (which usually involves highbrow stories about Paris Hilton or the quickest way to rock hard abs). Since we’re always waiting for the NEXT thing, the BETTER thing, the NEW thing, it’s hard to resist the urge to check your messages over and over again. This also leads to others NOT talking to us because they think we’re busy, even if all we’re doing is mindlessly skimming the latest headlines.

The only way to avoid this trap is to put the phone away–out of sight, out of mind. Sure, it’s hard to change habits, and yes, it’s possible that you might miss something–maybe even something urgent. But honestly, how often to you receive a message that absolutely can’t wait? And you don’t have to do this all the time–pick the days and times when it’s least likely that you’ll be needed. Unless you’re in a life-and-death business, you can probably take an hour here and there and disconnect.

When you have no phone to shield you from the outside world, only then you can open yourself to the possibility of a conversation.

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